These witty words are from Tonya Alfonso. She has been home schooling for 18 years, raises 5 children and a husband, and wears denim jumpers. Just kidding. About the jumper thing. You'll see why. -Lindsay
I home school my children.
Quick: what picture just popped into your head?
Did it involve denim jumpers, homemade granola, religious wing nuts, or socially maladjusted 14-year-old college graduates? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Ok, so I do make my own granola, but none of the rest of that in any way resembles my family. I don’t even own a denim jumper...anymore.
We are average people who just happen to make our kids go to school in the basement.
Home schooling has gone mainstream. Most people no longer try to argue that children educated at home will necessarily be behind academically. If they do, there are numerous studies that put that idea to rest. Many places now offer virtual public school as an option for parents who want to keep their kids at home. Every state has home school laws on the books, and it is generally recognized as a valid educational choice.
Still, I’m in my 18th year of home schooling, and I get the same questions I‘ve always gotten. I get them so often in fact, that I’m considering having a t-shirt made with my answers, just to save time. Here’s your primer on questions most often asked of home schoolers, and the answers I give the most often. Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by this author are her own, and do not necessarily reflect those of home schoolers everywhere.
“How do you have the patience for home schooling?” Um, I don’t. Just ask my kids. Part of why my kids hate math is because those lessons usually end with one of us yelling and the other one crying. I’m getting better, but my 5th child is still a little nervous about having to tackle algebra someday with me as his teacher. He saw what happened when his sisters and I tried to get the hang of parabolas and imaginary numbers, and it wasn’t pretty. Somehow, we muddle through.
"Muddling Through" could be the home school battle cry.
“Oh, I wish I could home school, but I'm not smart enough.” Yes, I did graduate from college, but many of my (successfully home educating) friends did not. They are moms and dads who are dedicated to seeing their children succeed in school. Period. I teach things I know very little about. How do I do that? I learn right alongside my children. Believe me when I tell you that teachers in “real schools” do the same thing. I know, because I was one. When certain subjects in our home school get beyond my ability, I farm them out. I put my kids in co-op classes for chemistry. I get video courses for math. I send the kids to the university/technical college for dual enrollment. We figure it out.
“How does home schooling work, exactly?” Unless prefaced by, “We’ve been thinking about home schooling our kids next year,” this question is not about getting information about how you manage your day. It is about looking for weak spots along your fence line, and is usually followed by more questions. “How do they get into college? What about testing? Are you really religious? What about socialization?” Every single one of those questions have been asked of me. By family members, doctors, school officials, the person behind me at the grocery store, and once, by a random stranger at a wake. I’m not even kidding. Like I said, looking for weak spots.
How do my kids get into college? Very well, thank you. My two oldest daughters are in college, both on scholarship. One is at a four-year liberal arts university, maintains a 3.8 GPA, and has already been offered a job upon graduating. Another is at the technical college studying cosmetology, has excelled in both her academic courses and her clinical skills, and has a 3.7 GPA. Are my kids the smartest ones in the room? Sometimes, maybe. Mostly though, they are kids who work hard and want to do well. In my eyes, that has more to do with parenting and personality than preparation.
As for testing, we don’t. My kids don’t take the annual standardized state test that school kids have to. They don’t do this because, under the laws of SC, and the specific option by which my family home schools, we don’t have to. If this makes you nervous for my children and their futures, reread the preceding paragraph.
While my husband and I are both Christians, our decision to educate our kids at home has more to do with what we believe we can offer them, in all areas of life, that a school can’t. Just the other day, my 9-year-old asked me why we home schooled. My stock answer has always been, “Because there is nothing a school can offer you, that Dad and I care about, that we can’t do here at home.” (Emphasis mine.) Yes, some of those things we care about are related to our faith, but our faith is not the engine driving our home school. For some folks, it is, and I’m just grateful we all still have the opportunity to make our own parenting decisions in this arena.
Now, the Big S question. Socialization. My short answer to this question:
I bet Bill Gates didn’t go to prom.
Honestly, can we agree to find a new drum to beat? Didn’t you
have socially awkward kids in your school when you were young? The odd ducks,
the girl with no sense of style, the boy who always caught the kickball with
his face? I know some real live grown-ups who are absolutely weird. They went
to traditional schools. I know others who are comfortable and accepted in every
social situation. They were home schooled. I find it fascinating that many
school anti-bullying campaigns address the dangers of stereotypes, but the
socialization issue (read as “weird kids”) is considered a legitimate criticism
of home schooling by many school officials. Again, this is experience
talking here.
I say this as the mom of kids who manage pretty well out there
in the world. Most of my kids have a tendency toward nerdiness, which my
husband and I actually encourage. Superheroes, the Lord of the Rings trilogy,
and proper grammar are near and dear to us. These things are currently enjoying
a renaissance of sorts, so it’s working out nicely. My children have friends, a
couple have boyfriends, and I spend a lot of time taking them to their various
lessons and activities. Some folks have said, right in front of my kids, that
they “don’t seem home schooled.” What does that mean?? One woman said
that even though my kids were home schooled, they were all pretty, so
she knew they were doing fine.
I still don’t know what to make of that one.
Let me wrap up by saying this: I am no Super Mom just because I home school. I am closer to the Marge Simpson end of the spectrum than I am to Olivia Walton. Proof: as I type this at 10 a.m., 2 of my students are still in bed, there is dog hair all over the couch, we are almost out of milk, and I am still in the sweatpants I slept in. If you were to poll home schooling families, you would find many of them could say the same thing on any given morning. The last thing any of us think is that we are better parents, or smarter, or more together than those who send their kids to school. We are faced with evidence to the contrary every single day, and our kids are more than willing to correct any pompous attitudes that may form, usually in some public manner that will reinforce home schooler stereotypes.
I guess that’s the price we pay for getting to do school in our pajamas.
